Almost at the same time, my family experienced a loss I feared my whole life and a new addition I’d fantasized about for decades. And I had a dream as it unfolded that was so clear I wrote down every detail after I woke up. Actually it was more like dream theater. And this theatrical production’s imagery and characters were scripted by grief, memory, and anticipation. I’m pretty sure this little one-act was trying to tell me something, or at least Brian Cox was (obviously he was there). A new inner character appeared in this episode to decode what it was. He demystified dreams a bit, and shared how they work. He also helped me understand why celebrities make cameos in dreams so much. And while many think we should leave the metaphors to the artists and songwriters, he explains why dreams prove otherwise. Most oddly and importantly he shared the power of sneezing to cope with grief. So, if you’re grieving the loss of someone - the end of a relationship, the end of a life - maybe this will be cathartic. Maybe it could temporarily fill in for the therapy you've been avoiding, or couldn’t afford. (Just kidding, I am absolutely not saying that last part.)
Almost at the same time, my family experienced a loss I feared my whole life and a new addition I’d fantasized about for decades. And I had a dream as it unfolded that was so clear I wrote down every detail after I woke up. Actually it was more like dream theater. And this theatrical production’s imagery and characters were scripted by grief, memory, and anticipation.
I’m pretty sure this little one-act was trying to tell me something, or at least Brian Cox was (obviously he was there). A new inner character appeared in this episode to decode what it was. He demystified dreams a bit, and shared how they work.
He also helped me understand why celebrities make cameos in dreams so much. And while many think we should leave the metaphors to the artists and songwriters, he explains why dreams prove otherwise.
Most oddly and importantly he shared the power of sneezing to cope with grief.
So, if you’re grieving the loss of someone - the end of a relationship, the end of a life - maybe this will be cathartic. Maybe it could temporarily fill in for the therapy you've been avoiding, or couldn’t afford.
(Just kidding, I am absolutely not saying that last part.)
CREDITS
Fugues is written and produced by Mr. Gabriel Berezin
Playing the role of Gabe, Inner Gabe, Food vendor, Inner Voice and Dr. Hans Bob Zimmerman is....... Mr. Gabriel Berezin
Playing the role of program announcer and script editor.......Ms. Monty Montan
Playing the role of Brian Cox is.......Mr. Tim Lappin
Playing the role of the "sneeze paradigm" sneezer.......Ms. Lulu Montan-Berezin
In the orchestra pit, playing original compositions........Mr. Grant Zubritsky
Artwork and logo design....... Mr. Justin Montan
Special thanks to Oliver Turner for extra voiceover and Dr. Robert Berezin for insights based on his book, “The Play of Consciousness in the Theater of the Brain”
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THEATER ANNOUNCER:
Good evening.
The role of Brian Cox will be played by understudy Tim Lappin.
Please silence your phones.
Narrator
I was late…
Late for rehearsal for a…Shakespeare production.
And the rehearsal space was in a steeple of the cathedral where I went to school at Trinity College in Hartford CT.
I didn't know which scene we were rehearsing from whatever play we were doing.
When I got there, the rest of the cast was already in their seats, fidgeting with their scripts. They looked…annoyed.
And it seemed they were all waiting on me for some reason.
My partner Monty was there. She looked worried for me. It was clear this was my fault.
Everyone was facing Brian Cox (the actor, not the physicist) who was either the lead actor or the director - couldn’t tell which.
He was being quietly hostile - huffing and puffing about something.
And he seemed to be intentionally ignoring me and refused to start rehearsal, so we sat there in silence, just waiting.
So I started looking through the loose pages of my script, which were totally out of order, and even weirder, each page wanted to roll back into a cylinder for some reason.
Finally I gathered enough courage to address the group. "Excuse me, but are you all waiting on me?"
Brian Cox laughed a very sarcastic laugh, and then I went right at him…
Gabe: Ya know what Brain, I'm sick of how you treat me! I'm doing the best I can. This is hard, no one is telling me what scene we're rehearsing, how am I supposed to do this?
Brian Cox: Well maaaybe if you..
Gabe: Rehearse my lines
BC: Obviously, by now, you should have been off b-
Gabe: (interrupting again) -off book, yeah, no shit you pompous ass, like I don't know how theater works. Look, my mother just died a month ago, did you know that? I took this part because i thought it might be helpful to...to think about anything other than what I'm thinking right now!
BC: this is good Gabe, finally, some real, red-blooded emotion. Have you seriously not considered using this? Use it, Gabe. Use this.
I noticed that everyone was standing now,
They were holding hands in a semi-circle to support me. A nice gray haired lady started speaking about my mother.
My sister Lily appeared on my right.
I told her with my eyes or maybe telepathically, “I was channeling you by standing up for myself to Brian Cox."
She nodded telepathically.
Just then, I opened my eyes in my bedroom.
I saw a sliver of light slipping through the curtains. Looked at the clock on Monty's night table. 7:58. Monty was still asleep.
The memories of being in this same steeple rehearsal room with this particular cast, rehearsing this particular production were still fresh.
Like this dream’s reality had lasted months.
And despite what felt like it should be a stressful dream, I didn't have the horrendous anxiety I had been experiencing waking up from dreams since my mother died a little over a month prior.
Most dreams recently had been ending with my heart beating out of my chest and I can’t fall back to sleep and I’m devastated by the reality that my mom is gone.
But this time, I felt calm and…even…relief.
I even felt…motivated. I considered just grabbing my script and learning lines right there in bed.
Now where’d I leave that thing?
InnerGabe: Hello and welcome to Post Fugue Analysis, dream edition. I’m your host Gabriel Berezin. and I’m thrilled to welcome our inner therapist of 47 years...Dr. Hans Zimmerman. We’re here “From the Couch” Dr. Zimmerman, welcome.
Dr. Zimmerman (Inner Therapist): Who…are you talking to? You're in my office...there’s no one else is here?
InnerVoice: I'm here!
DrZ: (startled) What? Who is this?
IG: I should have mentioned, that's my inner voice, sorry…can…he be here?
DrZ: I suppose, though this is highly unorthodox.
IG: I'll try to keep him on a tight leash. You hear that dude? Don’t be an asshole, I will have you muted.
IV: Good luck with that.
IG: So Dr Zimmerman as my inner therapist...you’re privy…to all my memories and dreams. So we were hoping you could shed some light on this dream and…maybe dreams in general?
DrZ: Consciousness is almost…this is an imperfect metaphor… like a movie your brain is showing you all the time, and it uses elements of your memories as if from an archive-’Ya, I
IV: That’s not how memory works.
DrZ: Indeed, bitte, allow me to finish…elements of your memories are recreated and incorporated into any current scene you’re watching, whether in waking life or a dream.
This can be observed in this moment from you dream fugue as you call it:
QUOTE
“I was late for rehearsal for a production of either The Tempest, or maybe King Lear.”
You actually had rehearsals in the steeple at Trinity College, where you attended University ya?
IG: Ya.
DrZ: Und you learned a monologue from King Lear in 1997?
IG: Didn’t have to share the year there, but yes, Edmund! “Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
IV: Please don’t.
IG: We talked about this, you’re in timeout.
IV: Aw C’maa (muted)
IG: That’s better
DrZ: And then you also expressed a small but intriguing detail, ze pages of your script…
QUOTE:
“They must have been part of a scroll or something b/c each page wanted to roll back into a cylinder.”
DrZ: Can you also confirm that you and your partner (pauses to pronounce) Monty read a parable..a story about the experience of childbirth given to you by a childbirth educator?
IG: Yes we read it out loud to each other.
DrZ: Just the night prior to this dream fugue…?
IG: Yes
DrZ: Achtung…there are two keys we can observe here. One, you…enjoyed this experience, no?
IG: That’s true! Reading it to each other reminded me that I used to enjoy acting!
DrZ: Two, the story you read 8 hours before this dream…do you remember the pages?
IG: Ya, it was rolled up in a scroll. Like a big joint.
DrZ: So you see dream consciousness plucks memories from decades ago and hours ago and plants them into your dream fugue.
THEATER ANNOUNCER: Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed guests, we will now have a short break,
We look forward to continuing our journey together in just a few moments. Enjoy the intermission!"
DrZ: Your brain, all brains, are machines that create metaphor-
QUOTE:
“I was late, felt nervous, unprepared.
I didn't know which scene we were rehearsing from whatever play we were doing.”
When you confronted Brain Cox you talked about the stress and grief of your mother dying - an unacceptable feeling, but also fascinating the quite significant detail you left out.
IG: Our child.
DrZ: Precisely.
IG: This dream happened the day before our daughter Lulu’s due date.
IV: So the play is basically…the kid? The one he’s not prepared for.
DrZ: Very good mein asshole.
IV: Mmmm!
IG: I think this guy
DrZ: The play is the baby, it’s also the grief of losing your mother. You’re not ready for her to be gone, you probably never will be.
IG: it hasn’t even been that long it still feels like i haven’t seen her in a while.
[MUSIC INTERLUDE]
IGr: Why would our mind make these metaphors, what’s the point?
DrZ: It’s not wilfully creating metaphors - it’s not composing song lyrics like Robert Dylan-
IV: (interrupting) -Bob Dylan
IG: Dah, muted!
IV: You dick- (cut off)
DrZ: Your brain just creates connections based on the way it’s wired.
IG: The way it’s…wired?
DrZ: Of course. A certain feeling that is attached to one memory may also stimulate another memory that may seem otherwise unrelated.
IG: Totally…all my…”fear” dreams are about not knowing lines in a theater production.But this is the first one with Brian Cox.
DrZ: Correct. It’s the theme of being unprepared. Also this;
QUOTE:
“Monty was with me. She looked worried for me.”
Your partner, Monty, she’s had to do a lot of the research while she was pregnant.
IG: Yeah, she read like 10 books and has 4 pregnancy apps on her phone
DrZ: While you fell behind. You felt guilt about this?
IG: (obviously) Ya.
DrZ: So panic, grief,and guilt. This was the…theater of difficult and unresolved emotions.
IV: So that feeling of being unprepared in waking life stimulated memories and images that resonated with that feeling.
DrZ: Correct. In waking or dreaming, our minds will always create a narrative to make things coherent.
IV: Dr Zimmerman has anyone told you that you sound like a cross between the Count from Sesame Street and Bjork?
DrZ: What is a Bjork?
[TRANSITION MUSIC: “Dream a Little Dream of me”]
Announcer: Enjoy the intermission!
InnerGabe (radioshow voice): I’m here in the studio with Brain Cox. Brain whattya think of production so far?
Brian Cox: It needs work
IG: Okay. Our listeners are asking, in how many dreams do you think Brian Cox has appeared?
Brian Cox: Approximately 237 million, 596 thousand
IG: Really? On the nose?
Brian Cox: As of today, that's correct.
[TRANSITION MUSIC: “Dream a Little Dream of me”]
DrZ: you may be vonderingkt, vhy ze kameo appearance from Brian Kox.
The answer to this is one vurt - Personas. Our representation of important people, real or imagined, in our lives takes up a lot of mental real estate. Within the last century so - people you would never have otherwise met are now in your life…all the time.
IG: Okay but why Brian Cox?
DrZ: my professional opinion, the version of Brian Cox that…appeared in your dream was most likely from the cinematic..um…the film by Charlie Kaufman, called…Adaptation.
IG: Oh yeah, I love Adaptation.
DrZ: He plays, I believe, a script coach, or something to that effect in that movie.
IG: Yup.
DrZ: But in your dream version he is more uhh…an…acting coach.
IG: Now that you mention it, he kind of looks like my real life therapist too.
DrZ: Back to personas - they are messy. Based on the architecture of our brain, we simplify things by putting them in compartments…buckets. It makes things easy to recall. We categorize information
IG: So you mean bias. Mental shortcuts.
DrZ: Correct.
IG: Okay, so our brains receive such an astronomical amount of information all the time that it uses bias to make it all manageable. Bias isn’t necessarily bad - it allows us to categorize and process information in a more efficient way. And you’re applying this to the people in our lives.
DrZ: So if certain people in your life have similar…qualities.
Ya, bozz r-r-real undt fictional..So if kertain people haf similar…qfalities.
IV: Like what, physical traits, personality quirks?
DrZ: Ya. Und if they have a big boisterous laugh for example, if they’re very tall or very short. Or if they have gray hair
IG: Kind of explains those caricatures drawings at tourist attractions. Most of us only see and remember the most noticeable aspects of someone’s face or character.
DrZ: Okay. And if I recall Brian Cox plays…Robert McKee in the film Adaptation you like so much - and Robert McKee is indeed a real life writer and script coach.
IV: Yup, we even attended one of his courses…in real life.
DrZ: So in the context of this dream, there are three gray haired men of authority - your therapist, Brian Cox and Robert Mckee. Not surprising that your brain created a composite, a hybrid character that consists of all three of these real life people.
IG: And given their…maybe even your…respective roles as coaches or therapists in this persona bucket, our brain lumped them together as one persona that is not afraid to say what they mean.
DrZ: And this is why Brian Cox was a central character.
THEATER ANNOUNCER: During this intermission, we invite you to stop by our lobby for refreshments, visit the restrooms, and take a moment to stretch your legs.
[MUSIC BOX VERSION “ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM”]
[INSIDE A THEATER CONCESSION STAND]
InnerVoice: My god this feels long. Where’s the bathroom, I’m about to explode
InnerGabe: I’m starving
Dr Zimmerman: I might enjoy a Schnapps.
IG: How much do you think the peanut m’n’ms are here?
IV: too much
IG: How much?
Vendor: 12 dollars sir.
IV: Oof.
DrZ: it’s the theater!
IG: Fine I’m starving.
Vendor: And for twenty three dollars you get a complimentary Fugues souvenir cup
IV: Is that with the m’n’ms?
Vendor: No
IV: That’s ridiculous
DrZ: Ooooh, but ze cup,it is a Yeti!
[RETURN TO YOUR SEATS JINGLE]
MUSIC TRANSITION: “All i have to do is dream”
DrZ: This next phenomenon does not have a technical title of any kind, but it traverse biology, psychology, music and many other fields. Imagine a sneeze. There is a very distinct and familiar feeling when you need to sneeze but it won’t quite arrive.
IG: Right, it’s torture, makes you crazy.
DrZ: And then once you do, ah, this is heaven.
IG: Very good, anyway, sneezing feels so good, why don’t people comment on how much better they feel after a sneeze, like “hey, nice sneeze!”
DrZ: And it’s not just sneezing, it’s omnipresent in biology
IG: Like when you have to burp. Or when you have to pee on a roadtrip but there’s no rest stops.
DrZ: Yes the pressure builds up quickly. Your body wants release.
IG: So it’s a tension and relief circuit. Makes me think of old school television - apparently TV shows only ever exists to sell ads.
IV: Explains cliff hangers.
IG: Who’s the killer?
IV: Find out after a word from our sponsor.
IG: I was thinking in music they call this relationship dissonance and resolution and it’s used to create a story musically.
DrZ: From my country everyone from herr Beethoven to Bach. They are all intrinsically aware that in music the right amount of tension keeps you interested. Otherwise it would be boring.
IG: During dissonant chord progressions or melodies, it’s almost asking a question and then later in the piece or song, it answers the question by resolving into a happy, home-like combination of notes and chords.
IV: And when it’s dissonant it makes you feel curious, and energized with tension.
DrZ: When it resolves the question is answered.
IG: So it’s the resolution that has you feeling calm and content.
DrZ: Precisely. So let’s go back to your dream fugue. It’s important to remember that emotions tend to…steer the narrative of dreams.
IG: Does it?
IV: Yeah, duh. Since here’s so little input from your senses while you’re dreaming, the physical setting is…unstable.
IG: So the metaphoric imagery in dreams is often dictated by…your feelings…?
DrZ: Ya. And emotionally, in your waking life, you have gathered a lot of tension and stress. Between your mother’s passing and your baby daughter on her way.
IV : so that emotion created a dream-version of Brian Cox, borrowed by the memory of seeing Adaptation so many times, which instructed me to - “use your emotion.”
QUOTE:
“USE IT, USE IT GABE”
IG: So my own dream character was basically telling me to decompress my emotions.
DrZ: Yes to release the valve - to get to the resolved musical chord as you said.
IV: Or popping the pimple
IG: Answering the question
IV: Identifying the murderer.
IG: Completing the sneeze.
IV: Or the burp, we can call it the burp paradigm.
IG: Nah, you’re muted!
IV: God Dam-
IG: What do you think Dr. Zimmerman, what do we call this?
DrZ: How about the sneeze paradigm?
IG: Sold!
DrZ: bitte, can ve put your inner foice back in ze cage
IG: Gladly.
DrZ: Now fur ze most important part
IG: No! It’s the completed sneeze, it’s the sneeze paradigm.
IV: Lame.
IG: Whatever!
IV: Control freak
IG: Fine, but I’m calling it…it’s the sneeze paradigm.
DrZ: Gentlemen! Bitte, listen.
QUOTE
“Most dreams recently had been ending with my heart beating out of my chest
But this time, I felt calm and…even…relief.”
IG: This reminds me of something my friend Chell told me soon after my mother died. Her own brilliant mother Carol passed a few years ago - she said it’s okay to proactively tell people - my mother just died and it fucking hurts, and feels horrible all the time.
DrZ: Those are wise words - this is most likely the explanation for why you had this dream. You needed to tell us.
IG: I guess I did. Dr Zimmerman. You made me understand so much about this dream, which feels pretty crazy seeing as how I made you up myself.
DrZ: Well, as they say, “I'll Let You Be in My Dream if I Can Be in Yours.”
[TRANSITION MUSIC - “Don’t dream it’s over”]
Theater Announcer:
As you rise from your seats and follow the exit signs, you’re participating in an experience sleepers have when they wake from a dream - a phenomenon called hypna-pomp-ia.
Like this theatrical production, a dream reality can linger into your waking life.
This transition sometimes creates a spillover between two realities.
Maybe weeks from now you will sneeze…and remember that Brian Cox helped a stranger face his grief.
And you may ask yourself, “where did that come from?”
“Did I dream it?”
This dream fugue production is dedicated to the brilliant and beloved Nancy K Berezin
Fugues is written and produced by Mr. Gabriel Berezin
Artwork and logo design by Mr. Justin Montan
Playing the role of
Playing the role of Brian Cox is Mr. Tim Lappin
Special thanks to Dr. Robert Berezin for insights based on his book, “The Play of Consciousness in the Theater of the Brain”
And to Miss Lulu Montan- Berezin for her sneeze
In the orchestra pit, playing original compositions, Mr. Grant Zubritsky
Your program announcer is Miss Monty Montan